LUCK & LOGIC OF THE IRISH

To preface: this post was inspired totally by a dream. Listeners of The 60-Minute Drill may already know what I'm referring to.

So if you're done rolling your eyes and pondering whether or not to turn off your monitor, allow me to continue. I have developed a fix for the Boston Celtics.

STEP 1: Using the luck of the Irish, get a pick in this year's lottery.

You're doing it again - that whole rolling the eyes thing.

But seriously, the C's have had some trouble getting what they need in this department, even when they are afflicted with the league's worst record. Remember '97? When they were supposed to get Duncan to team with some Kentucky vets (Walker, Delk, and Coach Pitino), and take the sliding East by storm? It didn't happen, they drafted Chauncey and got impatient with him, and they haven't won 50 since.

They've tried to assemble a team of mid-sized scorers with their typically late-lottery or early non-lottery picks, and succeeded only in alienating their fan base; Pierce (10th overall) and Jefferson (15th) are notable talents, but what else is there?

STEP 2: Using the logic of the...Irish, draft Joakim Noah.

We know Boston won't be lucky enough to get one of the top 2 picks - this simply does not happen for them, not these days. So wherever they end up drafting, they should take the Wookiee from Florida and immediately establish him as the starting center alongside Al at the power forward spot.

Sure, JoJo's stock has slipped recently. Ok, not slipped; more like plummeted. What people don't realize is that Noah still has the unmatchable energy and unreal court vision and awareness that made him Tourney MOP in '06. So what if he wasn't looking for his offense so much late in the season? Man was on a crowded UF team, with plenty of options. He knows how to fit (though maybe not blend) in.

STEP 3: In another exercise of this newfound logic, get rid of P-Dub, and get Corey Maggette in exchange.

I don't care if they have to swing a 6-team deal to get this done, but jettisoning the overpaid volume shooter that is Pierce is a necessity. I don't care if he's been the team's top scorer for years; Boston has a young, young core that Paul simply will not be able to contribute to. Whether it's an issue of age, ball demands, or chemistry with the coach, he does not fit here, and must go.

And in must come an athletic, unselfish replacement. Someone who does not settle for perimeter jump shots every possession; someone who has an attacking mentality and a body to go with it. C-Mags, your day has come.

STEP 4: With touch of luck and a pinch of logic, lure John Stockton out of retirement to coach Rajon Rondo.

Rondo gained confidence towards the end of the season, but he must quickly learn the cageyness and headiness of the best PGs to make the Fleet Center tenants elite once more. And I defy you to name one man better for this educational process than the Dimemaster himself. If he wants, he can even suit up every once in a while.

STEP 5: Out of sheer luck, snatch up a young, up-and-coming GM to replace 'Fingers' Ainge, who has done nothing but evil to this franchise.

I have one in mind, actually. He's got a basketball brain, a winner's heart, and some of the most outlandish (yet possibly brilliant) ideas in the sports world. And he's already established a 5-step plan to resurrect the once-proud boys in green.

I'll just be waiting by the phone.

quick note on the Spurs-Suns suspension...

they did it. The NBA finally did it ladies and gentlemen. They've removed the last shred of competitiveness from these playoffs. Apparently the reasoning was, "heck, last year's playoffs went so well, let's see how much we can screw it up before people start noticing".

seriously, a suspension for an instinctive reaction? its complete BS. I know the rule, and it's pretty straightforward. it was the proper call to make by the NBA to suspend Diaw and Stoudemire for leaving the bench. The rules say the players on the bench can't step on the court at any time in the game (unless they've checked in, of course). there's absolutely no wiggle room with this rule. that's what makes it so godawful. Can you really blame Diaw and Stoudemire for getting out of their seats when 6-3 nash was checked by 6-10 robert horry, who outweighs him by almost 50 lbs? its a natural reaction a teammate has.

If you see the tape, the two suns players weren't looking to fight horry or any of the spurs, they even returned to their bench after about 0.003 seconds on the court.

Now, the NBA has basically shot phoenix in the foot and told them to run the 100-meters, while giving San Antonio nothing more than a wet willy, because Robert Horry was averaging all of 4.8 PPG, and his only real contribution was on defense, where the Spurs are already rock solid.

But hey, that's just the League office putting the exclamation mark on a crummy season, and a decent-at-best playoffs where we've seen the rise of the soccer flop, and some of the worse officiating I've seen in a long while. The NBA is losing it sense of basketball, and with it, its competitive spirit. Players are barely allowed to raise their voice or celebrate good plays (can anyone remember Baron Davis' instant classic of a dunk over Kirilenko [he was fined for throwing up his shirt when he came down]). Its really a shame, because pro basketball is losing its edge, and with it, the fans that have stuck around through some really down years.